There seems to be a popular strain of delusion that presently obtains (online, and amongst many of my younger analysts) about the rules, guidelines, and processes around how a woman might go about “finding a man.” That others have this preoccupation I find fascinating. I myself believe that a woman is wisest when she waits to be the one found, and that the most active role she might sensibly play in the whole thing is to await, to discern, and to, eventually, when the decision is placed before her, to choose— but I wouldn’t dream of imposing. I can only observe. It is an interesting wish as it seems to imagine the querent in the divine’s seat of creation. If one were to insist upon an active intervention in the spin of Fortune’s wheel and G-d’s design, I can’t help but wonder: how might one find a man?
Methods:
Fermenting. One might generate the necessary fluids in the selective action of a moonshine still, yet must wait until lightning strike for animation.
Curing. One might, using the piece-parts one has stored over many years, cure them together in the correct arrangement
Dredging. Once the proper types of bogs have been identified, one might easily dig therein for men gently-used by preservation.
Compiling. One might endeavor to meet every man alive, and from each one preserve a memory, fragment of speech, or wish, and in assembling all of these create a perfect man in one’s imaginary.
Shedding. One might grow one’s hair past one’s tailbone, and then begin to compile the shaken hairs, and once collected weave them into a flat tapestry that will, when angled to the sun, depict the location of the man in question.
Dowsing. Once one has identified the proper plant to shave and carve into the correct form, time and patience are the key requirements.
Reflecting. Under the premise that “modern love” is mostly about being seen to love, and under the assumption nothing exists if not witnessed, erect a mirror the size of a city block and watch its insides carefully for any signs.
Deducing. Once one has found a large enough black- or whiteboard to fit the equations, one might embark on the careful capturing of every metric and measure of a man, assured that once the solution is reached, he will appear.
Emptying. One might empty everything out of one’s life, and sit quietly, and wait for his shadow to cast itself along the wall.